But, we’re not always capable of achieving these feats. You know what it’s like! You’re on a steady course, everything is going smoothly and then, WHAM, you walk right smack into a dilemma, and you feel stuck, paralyzed.

We try to make the best decisions, but we don’t always get them right. We slip up, fall down, and push ourselves to get up again. We bitch about what happens to us, especially when we jump into things without thinking. But, here’s the thing, part of the human challenge is to keep probing our soul, questioning our intentions, and self correcting ourselves as we move along.

Those of us who strive for this equanimity and balance – may appear to others as being wishy-washy. People think we’re unable to make up our minds – because we don’t make snap decisions. However, we are weighing the consequences, thinking things through; checking in . . .  to see if our decision resonates with our inner truth.

This state of mind, this act of Pushing Upward . . . is about living a spiritual life. We are constantly checking in to see if the actions we are creating will be for our highest good. We can’t pretend to be spiritual – we either have this sensibility about our life or we don’t.  It’s not easy. It’s a tight wire. minute-by-minute, day-by-day, (whether it eating the right food, eating too much, hanging out with the right people or deciding on the best job), if we can commit to taking our time, before succumbing to our knee-jerk reactions, we can be saved from years of suffering.                                                                                                                                                                                 What else do we have to do?

Sandra Billings strives to live a conscious life. She tries to make the right decisions, Indeed, she carries a heavy load (demons from the past, a torrid love affair and her life as an actress), but she learns from her mentors how to move through the obstacles. Emma, I Ching, and the repercussions from past experience, help her to navigate her life . . . and then again , , , shit happens.

Read how Sandra navigates her  journey and see how it mirrors your own.
www.PushingUpward.com

With great respect and love,
andrea

A Review:

“A great book in my opinion is one that you keep thinking about once you put it down. Pushing Upward is that kind of book. You think about it because like it or not, you can relate to the protagonist (Sandra Billings), or you remember a time when you could. Whether it’s self-defeating behaviors, feeling unworthy or not good enough, feeling like an impostor, feeling defeated, paralyzed by self-doubt, being self-absorbed, out of balance, jealous over the success of others, disconnected from true-self, or pinning your well-being to something outside of yourself (a particular person, milestone, or event) etc., most of us have been there.

As I went through Sarah’s journey, I found myself wanting her to stop, get centered, breath, connect with her truth, and then engage from a place of . . . “Who I am is enough . . . it’s more than enough. I have a gift to share and I’m here to share it. I’ll do my part . . . and not worry about the rest.” And then I remembered . . . oh yeah . . . I should be telling that to myself!

This a great read, which lives up to the definition of “fiction” put forth by Albert Camus. “Fiction is the lie through which we tell the truth.”

Kathy Forbes

Whoever thought 3 coins could determine ones destiny, answer a question or steer one in the right direction? I never did, until I picked up the I Ching, the ancient Chinese oracle, in the early 70’s. The I Ching for those of you who have never heard of it, is the oldest classical divination system known to man. First written in approximately 1000 B.C., the I Ching is regarded as the foundation text of Chinese wisdom and philosophy. Beneath the surface of the I Ching, is a living, breathing oracle — a patient and all-knowing teacher who can be relied upon for advice at crucial turning points in our lives.

Believe it or not, based on three coins (pennies, nickels, dimes or quarters) and their configurations, the oracle will give you your answer.

In ancient times, emperors and high priests used the I Ching and other divination tools to align themselves with divine providence and find answers to difficult questions. Because their decisions would have an effect on thousands of people, they would consult these divine interventions to get a second opinion.

The five most popular divination systems today are: Tarot, Numerology, Astrology, and the I Ching, the ancient Chinese oracle. These systems are not just tricks of the ancient fortune-telling trade, they are sophisticated psychological tools that can support our decision making process, give us advice and strengthen our intuition.

Divine intervention is a way in which we can receive insight from a divine source, a tool that can provide us with a deeper perspective into a situation, a problem or a concern. Through this divine involvement, we can receive answers that logic alone cannot reveal.

Look, we are all looking for the crystal ball. We all want answers to our deep-seated questions that at times haunt us. But how can we reach these answers? What are the tools we need to unlock the plethora of possibilities . . . how do we choose the right one – if there is a right one?

Spiritual growth isn’t always pretty; the evolutionary process can be messy – which is why Sandra, the heroine in the novel Pushing Upward gravitates to the I Ching. The oracle shows Sandra the underlying forces at work in her life, how she can develop mentally, spiritually, and how to better relate to the challenges that confront her. It helps her to look at these forces from a different perspective, opening her up to new insights.

Through Sandra’s journey, we see a way to explore our own inner turmoil and how we can move through it . . . consciously . . . from a higher perspective. We see how she avoids traps, falls into them, slips back and finds the will to go on. All along, we see how this divination tool can support us – give us a second opinion when we need it the most.

Sandra Billings is at her wits end. She is dying to get off the endless wheel of a 9 to 5 job. She only wants to pursue her dream of becoming an actress. She needs to reduce her rent and start auditioning. But, she’s stuck, confused.

After consulting the I Ching, she places an add in the L.A. Times: “Drama Student in need of Rm & Brd in exchange for Hskpg” She meets some crazy dangerous men, a few zany women, and ultimately meets Emma, an 80-year-old, mysterious woman whom she moves in with. Emma is stable, a bit stoic, but a mother figure Sandra never had.

In the film, “The Intouchables,” a wealthy, physically disabled risk taker is the picture of established French nobility. He lost his wife in an accident. His world is turned upside down when he hires a young, good-humored, black Muslim, ex-con as his caretaker. Their bond shows us the power that love and friendship can achieve – beyond our social and economic differences.

In the movie “Harold and Maude” nineteen year old Harold, rich, and obsessed with death, finds himself changed forever when he meets the lively, eccentric Maude at a funeral. Although Harold and Maude is a dark comedy, it’s also a love story about an older woman and young boy, who find each other, in the most bizarre circumstance and begin to share their gifts.

These examples remind us of our forgotten wealth: our senior mentors. And when each generation opens up to each others world, they fill a huge, vacuous void.

Initially, we have our judgments and opinions. We try to control the distance and closeness – without success. But, when we let go and discover each others contributions . . .  let go of our individual egos – and simply – love. We get to experience the flowering of two generations.

We need only think about the American Indian traditions and how the village elders were revered. These seniors earned the respect of their community and were looked upon as tribal leaders. Their rich, elaborate stories provided guidance for the youth and still form the moral fiber of their culture.

Unfortunately, these examples are a contrast to what has been the norm in our culture. The lack of value we have placed on our seniors is an embarrassment. We show our lack of respect by shoving our elders into unqualified residential homes; where they are many times ignored, not only staff, but by family members who only come to visit on rare occasions – and usually out of guilt. The conditions of these “homes” are, often times atrocious. The food has little or no nutritional value; and there is sparse mental, emotional or physical stimulation to keep their minds sharp and their bodies strong. On average, only if you have significant funds are you able to place an elder into a home where they are treated with dignity.

Rarely do we see our baby boomer generation bringing their parents into the home – to live out their lives with dignity and respect.

When you think about it, is it not our responsibility to insure that our elders’ needs are taken care of –– so they can be useful –– be an asset rather than a deficit? Are we so oblivious to think that someday, we may be in the same situation?

In Pushing Upward, Sandra didn’t focus on how old Emma was, or how many wrinkles she had, she focused on Emma’s wisdom and direction, her ability to guide and provide Sandra with a path of least resistance. Is this not the role of the elder – to share their knowledge and experience with the youth?

Instead of being swayed by the media’s perception of what beauty is – perhaps we can begin to appreciate our wrinkles and grey hair as something to be proud of, something we’ve earned instead of something we are embarrassed by.

Andrea Adler is the author of Pushing Upward, her breakout novel, published by Hay House, and winner of the 2012 Los Angeles Book Festival Award. Andrea also wrote the award winning book: The Science of Spiritual Marketing
www.PushingUpward.com
www.HolisticPR.com

Isn’t it true, that at certain points in our life, we want nothing more than to be that butterfly – wanting to spread our wings, share our gifts – without impediments. This desire to expand beyond our current state of mind manifests intensely when we are going through an internal transition.

Think about a time when you were in transition. Maybe you just went through a divorce, there was a death of someone close to you. You want to quit your job, but you don’t know where to go next.

Did you ever feel as if you were in suspended animation – on a trapeze – swinging in mid air – dying to find the next swing before you jumped? But it’s nowhere to be found. You’re scared to death, and for good reason.

We don’t realize that before we can change, become someone new – there is a dying process first – a letting go – of whom we were in the past.

This dying is simply the death of the ego.
Sadly, I know people who’ve become catatonic, deeply depressed, and suicidal during this time of uncertainty – because the thought of letting go of who they were – the thought of stepping into the unknown – was excruciatingly painful. The juxtaposition of their heightened desire for what they wanted and the fear of taking the next step was so debilitating, they couldn’t budge. They couldn’t see or feel the net.

So, the question is . . . How can we move into, and through this transition, gracefully – to re-create ourselves?

One way, is to have a solid, unparalleled experience of the future we desire. Because, unless we know what our magnificent future looks like and feels like, the one we truly want for ourselves –– we will never manifest it.

When we align with the vision of the future that we want to create for ourselves – when we can SEE it and FEEL it in the depths of our being, it transforms every single decision we make in the present. It transforms the molecules in our body. And depending on the quality and clarity of that vision, it can literally become a magnet that pulls us right smack into its magnificent vortex.
Would you like to take this journey?

For the last 20 years, I have introduced an exercise that gives people a glimpse of their future via an exercise I created called: Aligning With Your Souls Calling. It is an exercise that brings tremendous clarity to your work and to your life.

If you would like to take this journey, go to: www.HolisticPR.com and order the the CD – Aligning With Your Souls Destiny. Become clear about the future your soul has intended for you to experience, not the one your mind has become attached to.

With great respect,
andrea

www.PushingUpward.com
andrea@pushingupward.com

When we eat – other than to nourish our bodies – we start the cycle of defeat and create “Psychic Sabotage.”  We start the emotional domino effect and get caught in the all consuming, emotional maze. 

Does this ever happen to you?

1. When you eat . . . do you ever pause, and ask yourself, why you are eating? Are you eating because you are lonely, upset, bored, frustrated, confused, anxious, angry, jealous, etc.?
2. When you dine out, are you ordering food to please your husbands, your wives? Your boyfriend, your girlfriend? Are you ordering food that is not good for you – but because you want fit in?
3. When you attend a celebration, do you eat more than you need, because the food is free?
4. Do you eat more than you need when you are having a melt down?  Feeling emotionally insecure?

If you said yes to any of the questions above . . . it is a sign of “on-coming defeat.”

When you can decipher why you are eating, when you are eating – you have nipped 90% of the problem in the bud.

A few suggestions:

I started by eating one food at a time. Seriously, a carrot, an apple, a piece of celery – just to determine what foods gave me energy and which foods made me dizzy, tired or gave me a headache. One by one, I would eliminate those foods that didn’t agree with me. Eventually, I eliminated sugar, dairy and wheat from my diet.

After you discover what foods are good for you, eat only the amount you need to sustain yourself. Some people eat small meals during the day. Other people need only one or two meals a day. Find out what your body rhythm needs, what makes it feel the best and stick to it.

There will always be exceptions to your daily regime, like holidays, birthdays and other celebrations. Even when you go off for a meal or a day, get back on as soon as you can… otherwise, the domino effect will last longer than you want, and it will take more effort for you to get back into your conscious, healthy groove.

The more we get used to feeling good, the less we sabotage our efforts.

BTW, while you nourish your body with good food… Don’t forget to exercise!

Have a blessed day, week, year, life…

andrea

Let’s start with the concept that we are perfect at this very moment. Whether we are sad, angry, depressed . . .  whatever. Now, we can stay with those thoughts that are creating these feelings or we can shift gears.

Today, discrimination is more important than ever.  We have so much on our minds. Besides our personal emotional ups and downs, we are bombarded by politics, wars, global warming, poverty, and inequality.  Need I go on? If we want to get out of our personal and societal funk, we must control our minds.

It’s time to tell our minds what we want, by using very specific words. “I want to be informed and keep an emotional perspective.” “I am an amazing artist.” I am an outstanding dancer.” “I am a brilliant writer, entrepreneur, software developer.” “I am creating wealth for a sustainable life.” I take positive actions with my money and use my finances judiciously. ““I take excellent care of my body.” You get the picture.

If you want a healthy body, tell yourself, “I love eating nutritious foods. I love walking away from the table a little hungry.” Not,” I am so out of shape, I’ll never get toned.”

I remember working at the American Film Institute in the 70’s and we needed a doll for one of the video scenes. A young woman who was helping us on the set was the daughter of a famous playwright. She enthusiastically said, “I have a doll! Well, It’s actually my father’s doll.” I was stunned to hear that her famous father had a doll. She said, “It’s not an ordinary doll.” She brought in the doll the next day and it was one of those dolls that had a string you could pull in the back of her neck. I, of course was eager to pull the string. The doll said, “You are SOOO great.” The next time I pulled it, it said, “You are SOOO creative.” The next time, “You are Brilliant.” “No one can stop you from fulfilling your dreams.” I was blown away. For years, this famous playwright heard these words over and over. No wonder he succeeded.

I think about people like Nelson Mandela who kept his mind one-pointed while living in prison for 27 years. He studied law, kept to himself, and continued to strengthen his mind. When he left the harsh, bleak environment of jail, he said:

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.

Anne Frank had to hide from the German Occupation in a concealed room behind a bookcase with her family. She wrote in her famous diary:

I keep my ideals, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. Whoever is happy will make others happy too.

Take a moment and compare your life to Anne Frank’s or Nelson Mandela’s. Perhaps your life is not so bad after all.

As an experiment for one week, start to watch your thoughts. Become the scientist of your own mind and weed out those thoughts that no longer serve you. Before your automatic knee-jerk reactions shift into high gear – see if you can catch those negative patterns and reverse them into positive ones.

You may start with the practice of meditation. Meditation has the quality of revealing all our thoughts to us. It magnifies them, and cautions us from traveling down the rabbit hole of destructive thinking and behaviors. When we become cognizant of our thoughts, we are empowered to control them and eventually master them.

Tell your mind what YOU want!
With great love,                                                                                                                 andrea

I wanted to thank her for being human.

An example of her humanity was presented to me in 1997, after President Clinton’s tryst with Monica Lewinsky. I had a part time job as a tele-marketer, and randomly called her number. I couldn’t believe she answered the phone. I was star struck. I wanted to ask her a million questions about her writing and her life and her feelings about all kinds of issues. I wanted to invite her to tea or dinner or for a walk in Central Park. I was dying for her mentorship. Instead, I sat there in my tele-marketing cubby and read off the script. “Ms. Ephron, don’t you agree that when someone in your own family makes a mistake, you don’t disown them. You see they are human and you forgive them. Well, that’s how it is with our President. The Democrats are our family and….”

She got it. I didn’t have to say another word. She said and I quote, “He screwed up! No pun intended.” (God, she had a great sense of humor). “How much do you need?” “Whatever you feel comfortable contributing,” I replied. She was very generous with her contribution!

Still, she left too soon! There was so much more of her I wanted to see on the screen and read in her books. I wanted to send my novel to her – and pray she’d call me and say – “Good job. Great premise. I loved that you incorporated the I Ching in the story . . . But, she left before it was published.

And then, this morning, I read this passage in the New York Times . . .

Nora Ephron’s Hollywood Ending:

In “You’ve Got Mail,” Meg Ryan asks Tom Hanks why it is that men quote “The Godfather.” Tom Hanks explains that “The Godfather” is the I Ching for men.” ‘The Godfather’ is the sum of all wisdom,” he says. ” ‘The Godfather’ is the answer to any question. What should I pack for my summer vacation? ‘Leave the gun, take the cannoli.’

For women, Nora Ephron is the I Ching, the sum of all wisdom, wit, and even what to eat. Basically, anything worth saying about love, loss and, yes, what I wore, was said by Nora somewhere, be it “Heartburn,” “When Harry Met Sally,” “Julie & Julia” and every blog, book and recipe she ever published.”

So there you have it.

Nora answered my prayers. She was the I Ching to many. And because of her tremendous contribution to the planet, I send her my heartfelt blessings for a seamless passage into the next life. For I know, if she is meant to come back, she will no doubt be in the company of some very awesome, talented parents. She may even be born into my son’s family.

Who knows! Wouldn’t that be auspicious? Then, I can mother to her and shower her with gifts – just like she showered us with all of her gifts. It could happen!

With great respect and love to Nora’s family and friends….
Hats off to an AWESOME Life!
andrea

Positive deviants move toward what they want, not away from what they don’t want. They see “failure” as a step closer to their goals rather than a cause for depression because they didn’t win the first time out.

Attorney, real-estate developer, businessman, and author Marshall Thurber introduced me to the phrase Positive Deviant, as he considered himself to be one and encouraged his workshop participants to carry the torch. He helped us understand that rapid cognition provides positive deviants with the ability to move from micro to macro as they focus on the bigger picture rather than on the immediate obstacle. “They “perturb” the system” he said, knowing that this will increase the likelihood of breakthrough, as they constantly refine their techniques by exploring what is happening on the cutting edge.

Positive deviants follow their internal compass, dance to the beat of their own drum, and are not swayed by traditional convention. In fact, their motto is: All the dogs barking up the wrong tree doesn’t make it the right tree.

When we see leaders who have led with social and moral justice — the businesses they’ve created, the artists they have become — perhaps it’s time we adopt some of the positive deviant qualities they’ve imbibed.

Rosa Parks, a black seamstress who refused to relinquish her seat to a white man on a city bus in Montgomery, Alabama, in 1955, sparked sit-down strikes for equal rights for African Americans throughout the South and across the nation.

Martin Luther King received the Nobel Peace Prize and the Presidential Medal of Freedom for his unwavering determination to promote nonviolence.

Frida Kahlo never held back. She went on painting, even holding the paintbrush in her teeth as she lay in a body cast after a streetcar accident that left her permanently disabled.

And then there are the irrefutable icons of our day: Nelson Mandela, Gandhi, Harvey Milk, Elon Musk, Steve Jobs, Lady Gaga, Arianna Huffington, Jacque Coustau, Gloria Steinem and Oprah (to name a few), who’ve changed the way we looked at the world and ourselves.

In some fashion, the individuals we admire all had to move out of their comfort zones in order to create something beneficial and lasting. In so doing, they perturbed the system. They became “perturbators.” Sounds a bit naughty, right? Perturbation, the dictionary tells us, means the disturbance of a course; the elliptical course of motion of a celestial body produced by some force additional to that which causes its regular motion. In his or her own way, each of these individuals has disbanded the structure, changed the form, and created a new course.

At some point in our lives, we will be faced with having to conjure the courage to become perturbators. What else is life about, anyway? Think about it. Is it really exhilarating to be on the same course day after day after day? Is it enough to wake up, go to work, earn a paycheck, eat, and go to bed every night? Maybe, for some! But is that kind of life enough for you? Wouldn’t you say it’s high time to step out, reach out, leave your comfortable grooves — no matter what your profession. Challenge yourself to do what you love, to make a difference, and help make this planet a little better than when you entered it.

Just a thought …

Love, Andrea

I wanted to re-experience my childhood – when I was fully alert, brimming with enthusiasm and fearlessness. Of course, it didn’t matter what I put in my mouth those days, I could digest pretty much anything then. I had so much energy, I’d burn it up in minutes and never gain any weight. But, since my twenties, my metabolism slowed down and the brownies and chocolate cookies began to show, particularly on my thighs.

Determined to get at the root of this disease, I decided to go cold turkey and eat one food at a time. One item of food a day – to see exactly what foods made me feel good and what foods disagreed with me.  I also checked in to see what my emotional state was like before I ate the food.

The first day I ate nothing but carrots, the next day, celery, the next day raisins and so on. There were times I couldn’t get through the day eating one food, because the reaction was so severe. After experimenting with every single food group, the end result was: I had a strong sensitivity to sugar, dairy, wheat (gluten) and tomatoes. Beets and sweet fruits had to be eaten in moderation. Chicken and fish could be eaten on occasion, but they had to be organic. My colon, my brain, and my entire nervous system more than appreciated greens of all shapes and sizes!

I had no idea food had such a powerful effect on my mind, my thoughts, and my emotions. It was a real eye-opener.

In addition to pairing down the foods that were not working for me, I began to notice that if I was mad, upset, tired, bored, lonely, or thirsty, I wanted to eat. So, I tried another experiment. Instead of eating when I had these feelings, I would sit down, close my eyes and meditate for a few minutes. 99.9% of the time, it became clear that during these times, I wasn’t hungry at all. I just wanted to soothe the feeling. I wanted to fill myself with food instead of dealing with the emotional issue. This was a huge Ah ha moment for me!

So, why do we eat foods we know are not good for us? One reason is habit, unconscious behavior, and self-sabotage. Many of us are masters at achieving this unconscious, sinister behavior. I’m sure, we can all think of examples: We have a big test the next day, an interview for a new job. Instead of taking care of ourselves by getting a good night’s sleep, eating properly, and exercising, we fill our minds with doubts. We begin to think we aren’t good enough, smart enough. Before we’ve even studied for the test, or prepared for the interview, we’ve created the sabotage, mentally. These negative thoughts lead us to those foods that numb us. You know what those foods are for you.

Believe me, I used to be a master at numbing myself. Any emotional upset would bring me right, smack into a bakery to purchase a piece of chocolate cake. The sugar would immediately make me dizzy, my mind would get fuzzy, and it wouldn’t be long before I’d experience a full-blown migraine. When I ate bread, all I wanted to do was sleep. And if I ate after seven at night, I’d be up all night digesting my meal. It’s a tightrope! No question!

And what about when we eat more than we need? Are we not hungry for something else? This is where we need to ask ourselves some probing questions. Where do these cravings come from? What is at their origin? What are we telling ourselves about the situation? Are we not trying to fill a void that may otherwise be satisfied with love, affection, mutual sharing, the delight of creativity, or the simple joy of being alive? Are we not consuming things to make up for something else that we may be missing? What would make our life fuller, richer, and bring us more joy?

In my novel, Pushing Upward, Sandra Billings has no idea how to deal with her food issues or what is at the root cause of her abusive behavior. For Sandra, and many young women, it stems from someplace deep inside. We just have to get in touch with where that place is, why it’s creating this unconscious behavior, get honest about it and root it out.

If we don’t drown out the answers with more food, we make room for the voice to surface. Then we can listen and take positive action. By distinguishing the real hunger from the hole we’re trying to fill, we end the self-sabotage. We get to be at the top of our game –– the game of love, the game of life –– through the exercise of our own awareness.

I’m totally ready for that! What about you?

With great love,                                                                                                                     andrea

Each year, there are approximately 200,000 victims of sexual assault.

44% of victims are under the age of 18.

80% are under the age of 30.

Approximately 2/3 of assaults are committed by someone known to the victim.

38% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance.

Funny thing about statistics . . . they seem so distant, so impersonal. Truly speaking, they’re just numbers, gathered together by a focus group or an organization we know nothing about. We have no idea how they arrive at these numbers, or if, in fact, people digest their significance, let alone comprehend the severity of this abusive act.

I know what the numbers mean; I experienced it. Yes, #MeToo.

These numbers indicate society’s morality pulse, or lack thereof. We get a sense of how many men and women have actually experienced sexual assault. It used to be common knowledge that men abused women, now we are becoming more aware of women abusing men, women abusing women, men abusing men, and the most horrendous of all abuse . . . the rape of an innocent child.
I don’t think people fathom the depth of the emotional impact sexual abuse has on your life. The initial shock, the severity of pain, the denial, the betrayal, and the way it throws us off your center of gravity.

If you’re wondering what it’s like to be sexually abused, I can assure you, it stinks! It stinks because it’s never just about the incident itself. It’s about the repercussions—the insidious way the experience of rape seeps into every relationship, every feeling, every word, and every action. What really stinks is, regardless as to whether you remember the incident or not – or you recall it years later – it happened. It shapes your life until you are able to forgive, to seek help, to talk about it and begin to unravel the memory, and confront it.

The 50 Shades of Rape include:

• Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PSD)
• Intimacy issues
• Suicidal tendencies
• Symptoms of Bi-Polar
• Feeling victimized
• Self-sabotage
• Eating Disorders
• Alcohol Abuse
• Drug Abuse
• Skewed self-image
• Inability to feel self-empowered
• Prone to cutting
• Lack of focus
• Under achieving
• Over achieving
• Lack of trust
• A distorted view of love
• Feeling like damaged goods
• Feelings of worthlessness
• Inhibited to engage socially
• Feeling violated
• Extreme vulnerability
• Feeling discounted, less than
• Feeling dirty
• Emotional instability
• Pervasively changed
• Emotionally imbalanced
• Paranoid
• Physical timidity
• Thinking one’s body is repulsive
• Stored anger
• Aggressive behavior
• Loss of control
• Physical pain
• Emotional pain
• Skewed boundaries
• Altered states of consciousness
• Lack of confidence
• Insomnia
• Shame
• Detachment
• Wounded warrior
• Thwarted communication
• Lack of initiative
• Feeling as if one is followed by darkness
• Feeling deprived of love, attention, security, etc.
• Feelings of betrayal
• Closed heart
• Fear of commitment
• Fear of love

These effects are not all black and white, nor are they consistent. They are all shades of gray. They move around, from year to year, and creep into the crevices of your life without invitation. They sabotage your relationships, and create fractured egos.

Years later, I still experience these repercussions.

I have had wonderful successes in my life, but between the high peaks, there have been dark moods, depression, and restlessness. Recently, Dr. Phil, from the Dr. Phil Show spoke to a guest who had been molested. He told the woman, “You have to forgive yourself first. You are not to blame for your past. You are only to blame when you don’t take responsibility for the present and your future.”

But when you’re 10 years old, you have no idea what’s going on; you leave your body and block it out for years.

So, I have begun to take responsibility. I’m talking about rape and the domino effect it has had on my life. I don’t want to hide under a veil of secrecy, which is why I wrote my novel, Pushing Upward and created the screenplay. Although the rape in the book was not exactly the way it happened in real life, I will tell you . . . I was raped by a family member.

Hopefully, the more voices we hear, the fewer rapes will occur. Some of us heal  by talking one-on-one to a therapist, or confiding in a small group. It has always been my role to speak publicly.

Here are a few organizations that are wonderful resources if you, or someone you know need them.

RAINN
Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network
www.rainn.org

CENTER FOR THE IMPROVEMENT OF CHILD CARING
http://www.ciccparenting.org

HELP GUIDE.ORG
Domestic Violence and Abuse
http://www.helpguide.org

WOMENS SELF ESTEEM
http://www.womensselfesteem.com

SANCTUARY FOR FAMILIES
http://sanctuary.nonprofitsoapbox.com

NATIONAL DOMESTIC HOTLINE
http://www.thehotline.org

Speak up, speak out! Do what you must to heal yourself, and in doing so, you will help to heal others and prevent more suffering in the future.

Andrea offers Key Note presentations, workshops and presentations: Pushing UPward into Your Best Life.

To find out more about Andrea’s workshops, navigate this site. To hire Andrea for a workshop or talk: e-mail her at andrea@PushingUpward.com.